On Mother's Day with children with special needs...

"...Bridge (subsitute your name here), this mom thing is crazy hard. And you're doing an amazing job..."

-"Mom's Night Out" the movie

     This quote is true for all mom's, but as a mom of 3 beautiful children and 2 of which have special needs it is something that hits home.

     I am not just "mom" or as my kids call me " Mom, mom, mom, mom." I am also...

A nurse.

An EMT.

An advocate.

A therapist.

A pharmacist.

A delivery driver.

A teacher.

A researcher.

A walking encyclopedia of my kid's medical history.

A cheerleader, and thier #1 fan.

And so many more...

And the unique difficulties are...

    Watching with my heart in my throat as my baby has procedures done to try and help or diagnose the problem.

    Sat and waited, crying, through 3 surgeries in the last year on 2 of our kids.

    Chronic exhaustion is my constant companion.

    Felt persecuted and lied to by medical/hospital staff.

     Had to defend the steps we've taken to help and keep these children safe or to find out what's really wrong.

And yet, somehow in spite of these things I am constantly in awe.

That God gave me these specific children's, equipped me in ways I didn't even think we're possible to keep them safe.

    

    I am blessed by all the things I've been able to witness...

    At times, and too many to count in 3 years, I've never been more scared and yet have been successful in removing a lodged piece of food and got them breathing again.

    I've met amazing therapists, in a town where I have doubts about the quality of medical care. Who love my kids, listen when I tell them what's going on and help teach us and them how to progress.

    I love hearing from the therapists when they meet a goal, and that "whatever you are doing at home keep it up!"

    I can see a 10lb weight gain in my child recently labeled as failure to thrive.

   I am seeing my son "running" after his sister's when just a month ago we weren't sure he would even be able to walk unassisted by his 2nd Birthday.

    I've heard my daughter tell me "mama you duh bes evah!" When 6 months ago you struggled to understand her sentences.

    Seeing the space between pediatric and gastroenterologist appointments get longer and longer.

    Watching my children meet "normal age appropriate" milestones on time despite the other body systems being delayed.

    My son taking sips in succession from a sippy cup without choking for the first time at 22 months old.

    And seeing them inspire others to try harder or do better.

    I don't always feel like a good mom or that I make much of a difference.

    I am better at being alone and crocheting when I have down time then to make plans and do something with others.

    I am strangely uncomfortable being praised for working to provide for my family, running kids to therapies or doctor's appointments, or in general taking care of thier needs because that is what I am supposed to do. I wanted these babies.

"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him..."

1 Samuel 1:27

    I don't need fanfare or a special day to honor the things I do as a mom. My children are worth all of it. My journey as a special needs mom won't be done any time soon, thier struggles are not yet done and may never fully go away.  No matter the outcome, my job as mom will always be to love them, cheer them on in thier progress, and push them to exceed espectations.

     I hope that all 3 of them will look back and remember I advocated for them without ceasing and was so proud to be thier mom.