Monday, December 26, 2016

The Secrets of a Special Needs Christmas


Christmas

Magical for children of all ages, or it really should be.
But the holidays for a family with a child with special needs is STRESSFUL!
It's not the busyness of having friends and family over or making bigger meals.
It's helping your child have a special experience and just as magical a season as other kids.
That may not seem like a tall order, but it can be.

Many families ask for advice from "seasoned" parents or carers and ask what kinds of things to get.
It's nice to have a community of people who have gone through what you are newly in the trenches of. 
It can be very depressing to watch the excitement of children your own child's age or stage and see your own not be able to do the same.
Unfortunately we all compare.

This is our 2nd Tubie Christmas...and we did it better than our first :-).

We were so lost and scared last year, new adaptive equipment, 
just coming from a very stressful hospital stay, 
a baby still NPO and on bolus feeds throughout the day with continuous overnight trying to "catch up", 
and me still off work to help us adapt to our "New Normal".
Some of the items we typically bought for our kids or others did were not suitable for a child who couldn't eat by mouth, 
Clothes that he could wear before were now a pain to work around his feedings with.
All the special foods we usually ate he couldn't even taste and forget any special candies or cookies!

(2016)

This year he was more capable to eat the special foods, 
enjoy tastes of cookies and take guided sips of holiday drinks.
He eats during the day now and only has a continuous feed overnight so we could get him any clothing we wanted, 
and physically he is catching up so he can enjoy "normal" toys for kids his age.
We still needed to change the way we do stockings and keep special candies and treats out of it, but got him more little toys and smaller non-edible items.

I will share our ideas, and maybe we can all compile them to make it easier for others.


  • Cars/Trains
  • Animals
  • Balls
  • Flashlights-with multicolor capability or shapes
  • Blocks
  • Bubble machines
  • Bath toys
  • Noisemakers
  • Movies
  • Music
  • Books...like "My Belly Has Two Buttons" By Meikele Lee <3 
  • Adaptive clothes for tube/device access
  • Sleepers
  • Tablet/Ipad
  • Ornaments
  • Blankets
  • Plush dolls
  • Memory games
  • Flashcards
  • Saftey belts
  • Stroller
  • Moby wrap/Ergo/other carriers
  • Car Seat
  • Hat/coat/gloves
  • Shoes/Boots
Items for PT/OT at home...

  • Small Trampoline
  • Adaptive cups, silverware, straws
  • Foam wedge for sleeping
  • Chewies/Teething toys
  • Pacifiers
  • Bean bags
  • Compression wear
  • Weighted blankets
  • Nook Brushes
  • Z-vibe/or in a pinch an electric toothbrush
  • Bath equipment
  • Play mats or foam mats
  • Jonny Jumper
  • Walkers
  • Noise canceling headphones for SPD kids
It does get easier,
Give yourself some grace and learn to find the magic in what you can do now. 
 Merry Christmas Special Families!!




Wednesday, December 7, 2016

"How does she do it All?"


I constantly have people in my life who ask this question
"How do you do it?"

"How do you..."
  • Work two jobs
  • Home school
  • Keep house
  • Cook for/feed kids with disphagia
  • Keep up with medical/Therapy appointments
  • Get enough sleep
  • Not fall apart

Here's my secret...I DON'T

I am just an exhausted mama trying her best to keep our family fed, housed, healthy and as happy as possible.
It's no magic formula and nothing that any other parent wouldn't do if needed.
I am not more strong, creative or resourceful than anyone.
I try my best every day to push through and be the best Mom, Wife, Employee that I can.

I fail on a regular basis to...
  • Keep my house clean
  • Hold my tongue
  • Get enough sleep
  • Spend enough time with my family
  • Cook at home every day...Salon nights I use whatever tips I make to bring home food :-)
  • I miss appointments when I forget to put them on my phone calendar
This life is hard

There's nothing glamorous about working two jobs, and even though one of them I do hair and have to look "put together". 
My other job I look like a crazy bag lady because comfort is #1 on a 10 hour overnight shift.
When I get home, no matter which job; it's to a chorus of "I'm hungry, what's for breakfast/dinner?"
I try my best to get my stuff done and spend time with my kids and husband, but sleep has to happen. 
So for the last two years my girls have jumped into bed with me and they take turns laying close to me while the other one holds my hand. 
They watch an educational show on the weekdays and on weekends a movie or kids show while I sleep. 
During the day they may only be in there a few minutes to get cuddles in or in the evening before my job starts they may fall asleep for the night.  
I pick up 1 or 2 kids every Thursday morning after working 10 hours and take them to one of 3 therapies...Physical, speech, or Occupational. And usually don't get done until close to 12pm. Then a quick nap afterwards or take 2 to ATA and then nap. 
My Friday "Day off" is ideally spent cleaning and getting laundry done, but work trainings or meetings tend to happen those days as well as the frequent doctor's appointment for 1-3 kids.
Homeschooling is fit into our day either before I nap or after, and sometimes after dinner.
I fall apart pretty frequently and hopefully it's in private, but more often than not its in the midst of whatever is difficult or stressful. 
I raise my voice more than I ought too when it feels like no one is listening to me.
I hope people can appreciate my honesty, and take heart that as I tell my kids "practice makes progress", and I feel that I am daily practicing to do and be better than I was yesterday. I may fail, but at least I try.
I look forward to one day having a "normal" schedule, whatever that my look like. 
I am not writing this for sympathy, I love my family and am thankful for my jobs.
But you never know from the outside looking in that the ones who look like they have everything under control are just juggling the chaos.
I am not superwoman, I am just "mom".
The best, hardest, most rewarding title I have ever had.
I hope that parts of this last couple years my kids can forget, but other parts I hope they remember fondly and can see how hard we worked to give them the best life we can.

Heading to ATA with Nene and Sanna


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Book Reading Fun!


On Thursday November 10th we had our first book reading of "My Belly Has Two Buttons" in Thompson Falls, Montana.
We joined the 1st grade class of Shannon Pavlik to teach them about feeding tubes and introduce them to the inspiration of the book my little Tubie Nico.
The children and teacher had great questions and were so inviting. 
I asked them "Have you ever met someone who eats differently than you?"
The answers were all YES!
"people who use chinese stick (chopsticks lol)"
"people use their hands"
"Drink through straws"
"eat weird food"
All these answers were correct and so next I asked, "Have you ever met someone who could eat without using their mouth?"
One child said yes and proceeded to inform me his mom was a nurse, but the rest said NO!
I read them the book and Nico was sitting with the kids and every time I finished a page he would bust out laughing to gain the kids attention which they thought was funny.
when we were done I passed around the Mic-key Button we had just changed so they could understand and feel what he used to keep healthy and they were fascinated by that device with a water balloon. 
We passed out feeding tube awareness tattoos, coloring pages and donated the book to the class.
The kids were excited to know the pictures were being sent to our local news station to be added to a feature story airing on the book and our life with a Tubie.
I later received a message from Shannon and the class made us a book and wanted to send it.
It was such a blessing to be there and meet these kids, raise awareness to the next generation so that someday when/if they meet another child like Nico they can remember what they learned and treat them with respect and dignity.

I hope we can do more reading like this locally rather than going 4 hrs from home, but the word needs spread far and wide and God made them our first for a reason.
Thank you Thompson Falls Elementary!

**for book readings contact Meikele Lee @ trendyk1@gmail.com**

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

The Impact of "Failure To Thrive"

Failure to Thrive...What is it?

Failure to thrive is defined as decelerated or arrested physical growth (height and weight measurements fall below the fifth percentile, or a downward change in growth across two major growth percentiles)

What are the symptoms?
  • Lack of appropriate weight gain
  • Irritability
  • Easily fatigued
  • Excessive sleepiness
  • Lack of age-appropriate social response (i.e., smile)
  • Avoids eye contact
  • Lack of molding to the mother's body
  • Does not make vocal sounds
  • Delayed motor development
And why does it matter?

For families of children with pediatric feeding disorders this is a BIG concern, your baby probably at some point will be labeled FTT or "Failure to Thrive".
Now this may not affect some as much as others because they had an early diagnosis or medical complexity that came to light in pregnancy, they were and are a little more prepared. Not just them, but also the medical professionals who your child sees regularly. There was a reason for your child to be "small, dainty, little, underdeveloped, anemic, tired, refuse food, struggle to drink, etc."
But what about the group of parents and their children who don't have the advance notice? The ones who move along relatively "normal or typical", but then overtime something pops up that you know isn't right? 
It may start with weight plateauing, but you don't question it because maybe the baby was sick that month?
... and your baby was delayed physically already from birth and diagnosed with hypotonia and you have been to PT every week right, your other child had delays too so its possible its normal right?
It may progress to refusing solid foods when you first introduce them, but that could be them just getting used to the texture right? No need to be concerned you are breast/formula feeding them and they have been "fine" thus far...Right? 
But then you start to question the doctor's relaxed stance on what you see at home, what you know in your mommy's heart is not "normal." 

I know this may seem a little too specific, but this is our story...

The impact just the first part of that diagnosis had on my heart was impossible to describe, and no mom/dad/caregiver of a child wants to hear that they have "failed." 
I know that 's not what it's supposed to mean, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that more often than not when a child is "FTT" the parents on some level feel responsible even when they know it's not anything they did wrong. 
I strongly believe this name needs to change, sometimes the children don't have excessive sleepiness, they make sounds and smile, they are a happy baby and rarely cranky, and the 3-5th% on the growth curve is STILL ON THE CURVE! there has to be at least one kid who grows that way for there to be a 1-100% scale right?
Now I am not saying that a child labeled FTT is always a medically reasonable explanation. There are the cases where someone waters down formula because they can't afford to buy X amount, and they don't realize that impact that will have on the baby, or the parent who really is God forbid starving the baby on purpose, or not understanding hunger cues because of some mental health crisis of their own.
But there has to be a better way for medical professionals to respond to those who are doing the right things and still ending up in the FTT category.

The impact of a "Failure to Thrive" 

Our journey was really 4 years in the making. Our 2nd child was born and nursed like a champ after her frenulum was clipped and gained by lbs, and her brother followed her to the letter even down to a Torticaulis diagnosis and needing Physical therapy 2 years later. The part we hoped would skip him was difficulty eating and drinking, his sister had eventually caught on but still struggled in some areas eating "age appropriate" foods
...at close to 3 she was finally able to eat apples and banana's on her own without them being mashed...for an example.
So when he started eating solids at 6 months his weight had just plateaued and he had been ill, but when he gagged on solids his primary doctor recommended waiting another month and then trying again...I knew immediately I was seeing a repeat of our past with our daughter and hoped I was wrong. 
Pretty quickly we discovered greek yogurt was the only texture he didn't gag on and that ANY chunk would cause him to choke, liquids were only able to be given by breast or same result.
By 11 months his weight was the same as it had been since 6 months and we were seeing an ENT for a severe posterior tongue tie, this was the "hail mary pass" as he was, as his primary doctor described "classic Failure to Thrive" and my heart broke; but he knew by our history with our daughter and the steps we had taken to get to the ENT that he was safe with us so we weren't hospitalized.
After surgery we went for regular and frequent weight checks, our son gained length some, but his head size was barely moving and weight still stalled despite him eating a high fat and protein diet on top of still breastfeeding up to 9 times daily. He had also gained a whole clothing size and looked more plump to us and others who saw him before. I was certain things were changing for the better, and the previous FTT diagnosis was gone...boy was I in for the shock of a lifetime!
By October 14, 2015 our primary for our children had retired and we were set to see a new doctor. We had seen her before as needed when we needed a same day appointment in a pinch and she was fine. I came to that appointment so excited and full of hope to see him having gained weight. I ended up in tears at the weight scale, my son was still 15lbs 8oz! at 15 months old! I felt sick in every part of me and knew our world was about to change.
We were admitted to the hospital for what was supposed to be a 3-day calorie study and ended up in-patient for 13 days at our local hospital while they attempted every intervention they could dream up, and 6 days in a hospital 2 hours away for a G-tube placement(feeding tube)/Nissen fundoplication surgery. 
It would have been fine if that was all FTT brought us...but she is ugly and is sometimes wielded by even uglier people who no matter how much you prove yourself they aren't satisfied unless someone is hurt in the process.
This is the part that needs reformed most...CPS involvement.
When you leave the hospital or NICU with a "healthy baby" and then come back before 2 years old with a child labeled FTT then CPS is called to investigate...and oh boy did they ever!
During our first 2 days inpatient I met the ONLY social worker at our local hospital, and I know this because multiple times I requested someone else but there was only one for the whole pediatric department. She came in and attempted to present a kind and helpful demeanor, but something about how she watched me and my son was off...the very next day she became verbally and emotionally abusive to me and without proof other than my word nothing was done. She told me "things weren't adding up..." and "I don't think your son is safe in your care...but I really am here to help you and I understand what you are going through." 
I found out she didn't actually have children so how could she possibly understand what we were going through? And because of her obvious prejudice she called CPS and then manipulated and lied to my family the rest of the time we were there. 
I became very scared, jumpy, anxious, having chest pressure. and nightmares. The nursing staff were instructed to tell me she was "watching" us when she didn't show up to our room again for 8 days, but would lurk around the peds floor reading my son's charts...I have never been so scared for the safety of my child than I was with her in charge of our case.
An already stressful situation made so much worse by a person who had no check and balances.
When we were sent to the other hospital for surgery the treatment was night and day, the people were truly nice and helpful. Even that social worker treated us with respect and didn't use her position to harm. 

The impact of my son's diagnosis and local hospital stay still affects us a year later...

  • Our oldest child has nightmares, anxiety, and is highly emotional when she knows she will be away from us.
  • Our middle child has since been diagnosed with a frontal lobe delay and still coughs a bit when drinking and continues to need PT for her physical delays.
  • My Husband who has PTSD and Bipolar was stable on meds before the hospital stay and CPS investigations, but pretty quickly after we got home needed his meds changed and continues to struggle with feeling like we are safe especially when people visit our home or we go out in public.
  • Our youngest child still has his feeding tube and is now 27lbs , takes half his daily calories by mouth but those calories don't seem to add weight unless its his predigested formula via tube, he is still hypotonic and in PT, He now walks, He had learned skills for eating and drinking which are now regressing and we still don't have a complete diagnosis despite genetic testing.
  • I am so much more distrustful of the state agencies because they kept "forgetting" about our open CPS case and it was open till 120 days later despite 3 formal complaints from me and them reassuring me they found no reason for the investigation in the first place, I still have nightmares, and hope more than anything to get answers for my children.
I hope that one day parents with children like my own who struggle for mysterious organic reasons will no longer be victimized by the "Failure to Thrive" diagnosis. It needs to change as the results that can happen make the already stressful situation potentially more antagonistic than necessary. 
It's a time in our lives that I hope my children will forget, but I know personally I will never forget the impact "Failure to Thrive" had on our lives.



Nico, Age 2 in his new "My Belly Has Two Buttons" shirt from "Chasing Sadie" on etsy


Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Why I love being an Indie Author #PoweredByIndie



 I am new to the author and book world having just launched my first children's book this August 2016.  The experience has been very rewarding.  Using the features on Createspace as well as Amazon made it so much easier to reach my target audience, and track how many were sold.  I could use the illustrator I wanted and keep the vision of the book that I wanted as well as keep the cost down allowing it to happen very quickly. My customers have made this one of the most happy experiences by sending me pictures and kind words about the children being so excited to have a book in this genre; feeding tube awareness. I saw a gap in the market and I am energized by the response thus far, and have some more titles in the works and hope to have those out as soon as possible.  I am most impressed by how quickly our international audience got a hold of the book and the ease that they could order and receive their copies. They were some of my first contacts even just a week after book launch. I had always assumed "self-publishing" was the lesser quality and something to be sneered at, but I have not found that to be true or been unhappy with any part of it.  When we had the book launch party in my little town in Montana it was so easy for the bookstore to find the ISBN # needed to sell the book from their store. I thank all those involved in this process and look forward to doing it again.

Meikele Lee, Author of "My Belly Has Two Buttons"

Monday, October 3, 2016

Fine line of "hurt" vs "help"

While on this health journey with Nico we have seen many tests and labs done...
and since joining the Tubie community I have seen and heard the same things over and over;


"Why is my baby refusing food/bottle/pacifier since NG/fundoplication was put in?"

"Why is my normally happy baby screaming every time I come near them to clean  "insert body part or stoma site here", they never did this before we were hospitalized this last time"

"Why is my child becoming so combative with me?"

"It takes 3 or 4 nurses plus myself to hold my child down for any procedures now."

"I am so nervous to take my baby to the doctor, I don't want us to be hospitalized again"

"My child won't sleep without me rocking them since we were discharged"

"Our worst fears have been confirmed, we don't know anything more we will update you as we can"

And in my own research I have come to understand these are all traumatic stress responses in both the adults/parents and their children from the things done while their medical complexities were explored or hopefully diagnosed.
Now I am not a doctor, therapist, or any medical professional who can diagnose anyone.  
I am just a mother who has seen and felt all of these and more.
I have come to realize there is a fine line between Help and Hurt...
The tests, labs, procedures and things done at the hospital weren't meant to do harm, isn't that our perception of the Hippocratic Oath? 

"First Do No Harm"

This isn't actually in the oath, but it really should be and I think it gives parents of these little ones more hope and trust in the system that is really just as confused as we are why our child is struggling.
It's normal and necessary to find a place or person we can feel safe airing our concerns and flashbacks with and most especially the reactions our children have are just as valid as our own.
The test are by design sometimes VERY invasive because the signs or symptoms do not make sense outwardly.  And our babies don't understand why its happening so they respond in ways to let us know they are stressed, scared, or really just mad.
Please if your child is medically fragile still take them to appointments as often as needed, and if you start having your own traumatic responses (flashbacks, anxiety, fear, heart racing, chest pain, short temper) then seek your own medical appointment with a doctor or counselor.
You're child needs you to be the strong one who can smile through the tears, be the kisser of their boo boos from blood draws and biopsies.
And when they have their own meltdowns treat it with some grace, they have all gone and continue to go through so much in their short lives and I don't know any adults who would handle it quite so well.

There is a quote that I find to be my favorite, honestly it make me tear up when I read it...


The strength of these kids is unreal, They really are superheroes.

And the strength of the parents in this life is nothing to sneer at, you cry in private and pray that you would be in their place even just so they didn't have to feel one more poke, prod or stay in one more exam.
 Please give yourself credit where credit is due, it's amazing all the things you juggle on a day to day basis and do for them and the rest of your family.
So if you are a parent, patient or caregiver and you're experiencing anything I have described just remember...
There is a fine line between "Help" vs "Hurt" and you are strong enough to see this through.


Monday, September 26, 2016

Super list of Foods for Low Weight Kids

Anyone who has followed my blog, Facebook and been involved in the last 4 years of our child raising will know the struggles we've encountered with pediatric feeding disorders.
This journey has by no means made me an expert, but I was challenged to share the knowledge I've gained so that hopefully the Mom, Dad, or caregiver reading this can avoid what we've gone through. 


I am a strong advocate for breastfeeding and waiting to introduce solids until at least 6 months...
With this being said I also believe your child, your choice, FED IS BEST!
In our circumstance without my two youngest being exclusively breastfed and my stance on introducing solids when we did, I strongly believe their lives would have been in greater danger much faster due to choking.
I am also strongly advising if you are currently pregnant, planning to be, or have children around you please take a CPR and First aid test and become certified, This could save a life.

A little background, we had one "typical Child" who progressed normally-advanced in most areas including eating. Nene she is our oldest and so when her next sibling came along it made the issues that much more apparent and startling.
When Sanna came along we had a very similar beginning, tongue tie (clipped no further issue), breastfed, gaining weight, aversion to bottles (Nene the same) but with more gagging. We get ready to introduce solids at 6 months and no matter the texture she gagged and struggled to accept solids, we had to give her thicker puree for close to 6 months, and the things like cheerios, apples, pretzels that most 12 month old can eat safely/take their own bites with supervision she couldn't even begin to until closer to 2. We also struggled with her taking a sippy, straw or cup of any kind. This caused her weight to almost plateau. We calorie packed the foods and textures she could eat. 
We did all this and much more when their brother Nico came along, and his aversions became life threatening and he ended up getting a feeding tube at 15 months old. 
Both the youngest kids have had oral surgery for a severe posterior tongue tie which helped but didn't 100% correct the problems.

When we calorie packed foods here is some staples:

Avocado (@ least 1/2 of one daily)
Oatmeal
Bananas
Greek yogurt (Fage is made with whole milk/cream)
4% cottage cheese
eggs
sweet potato
protein powder
coconut oil
Chocolate ice cream (Bryers chocolate is made with cream and is calorie and fat content=pediasure per 8oz serving)
pudding cups
puffs
baby food meats/fruit/veggies
creamy peanut butter (ask doctor before giving to child)
cream cheese
re fried beans
sour cream
Stage 3 baby meals
***everything needs to be full fat! No low fat/no fat anything***


DISCLAIMER: I am not a nutritionist and I strongly suggest if your baby is struggling to gain weight, eat, or drink PLEASE consult with a doctor!**


So now that I gave you our pantry basics for feeding and calorie packing I will list a sample menu.


Breakfast: 

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
2 eggs over medium (the yolk helps the bites go down easier)
slice of toast with cream cheese/crust cut off
Or
1 cup Oatmeal w/ 1TBSP coconut oil or mashed avocado/baby fruit/veggie puree w/ 2 TBSP protein powder
Or
1 cup Greek Yogurt with puree fruit/veggie
slice toast with cream cheese/crust cut off

Snack:

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
Full Fat Ice cream or
mashed avocado/banana combo
puffs

Lunch:

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
Cottage cheese
stage 3 baby food meal

Snack:

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
Full Fat ice cream or
mashed avocado/banana combo
puffs

Dinner:

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
Modify what we were eating to a consistency child could handle
or
cottage cheese and Stage 3 baby meal
or
re fried beans with mashed sweet potato
or
1 cup oatmeal with 2 tbsp peanut butter and 2 tbsp Greek yogurt
and baby puffs to finish

**breast feed on demand the rest of the evening/overnight and throughout the day and offer spoonfuls of water at amount child can handle or with sponge/toothette/cup**

We had to really monitor how our children ate and drank, and the Heimlich maneuver happened at least once a meal on at least one kid daily for 2 1/2 years.
I worked two jobs during the last 2 years and still breastfed on demand and worked only hours the baby was sleeping so that I was available to nurse him (Nico).
During this whole process we were in constant communication with our children's health care provider/speech and eating therapy/ Physical therapy and when those weren't helping we networked to get them the help they needed as much as we could.
It's hard when you have to be so hyper vigilant and it was and is exhausting and a strain on relationships. Please find people to talk to and share your story. You never know who is in the same boat and may need the support you have or the tips and tricks that can make all the difference.
I hope this menu/food list can help anyone who just doesn't know were to start.