Thursday, February 16, 2017

Rise or Run?

Fear


We've all experienced it,

and if we are at this point in life probably overcome quite a bit of it.

What do you do when your family and friends "FEAR" your child?


Image result for quote for overcoming fear

In this life though tough, we see people rise to the challenge and come along side us to help create our new normal.
But we all know at least one person, whether a friend or family member who doesn't.
  • In some cases they are very vocal  
  • Other times show favor to your "typical" children over your Tubie,
  • Still other times it's a distinct hesitation and uncomfortable air when they are around your family.
  • And it can be a quick change due to experiencing an emergency medical situation
I will tell you about my mom, 
she is kind of a mix of all of these.
She is and has been super supportive, helpful around my house or willing to take my older girls for the night, 
But the thought of taking Nico and being the sole care provider just really makes her uncomfortable.
At first we were learning how to use all Nico's equipment and so I didn't notice how out of sorts it all made her, then over the last 18 months I began to catch onto bits of conversation like,
"well we will be there for one night so we will take the kids so you can have a date, and then you can come pick Nico up and take him home for the night okay..."
Or
"kelz, I got trained in CPR at work this week, but it hurts my neck so in an emergency I don't know how I would do?"
And so I recently asked her if she would ever be comfortable taking Nico too.
She said "Yes, but not unless you were close by and available because I am secretly afraid he will choke on something and that he could die on my watch."
I tell you this story because my mom has seen me have to remove food from Nico's airway, and I was a breath away from having her call 911 because he had it lodged good! We both knew without saying how close it was, but I got it out.

My mom loves her grandchildren and 4 of the 8 have a special need of some kind and she has adapted into a very knowledgeable Grammy, but one who isn't afraid to let us know her limits.
She has a healthy FEAR and respect for the things that could go wrong.
But the difference between her and some other's is she is not doing it to be mean, and she does rise to the occasion when confident.

What do you do when the "FEAR" of your child becomes abusive to your family?

Is say abusive because giving someone ultimatums or the opinions I've heard said to the parents of these kids is emotional abuse in my opinion.
And you work to hard keeping your kids safe to be spoken to that way ever!

Such as...
  • "you allow the doctor to put that tube in and we will NEVER babysit your kids again"
  • "well if it was my kid he/she wouldn't behave that way, I wouldn't allow it"
  • "you must not being doing it right"
  • "can't you do that somewhere else! it's gross" (bolus feeding in public)
You have two choices...Rise or Run...

I don't think we should try to force people to want to be around our kids/family, 
but I also now wouldn't hesitate to let those people know how saying things like this are not okay.
We would also not be around people who said things like this, as we are teaching our kids that people's differences make them special and we still treat them with respect.

But...

If you choose to keep associating with them then you need to go into it with the strength to know you are doing what your child needs, 
feeding tubes aren't given for no reason,
That you can stick up for yourself and your family and should,
That being angry will only hurt you so develop a thick skin.
Find a group of people who you can be around who aren't afraid whether online or in person.






How To Build Your "Emergency Kit"

Going Out with a Tubie
 New or Seasoned

 
Image result for emergency kit clipart

One of the  most stressful new experiences with our son was going OUT...
even if it was just going to be a few hours.

We looked like we were moving away from home, quite literally.
  • Multiple bags
  • extra syringes
  • extra formula
  • snacks for him and his sisters
  • all the creams and tapes
  • extra extensions
  • Blankies, toys, etc.
You name it we had it not only for our older children who one was still in diapers, but our new "Tubie" who had this new device that we were finally comfortable with taking care of at home but God forbid we had to step foot out our front door.

My Husband hates packing a whole bunch of items with us anywhere,
He has PTSD and that just makes him a little (or a lot) OCD.
Clutter just sends him to the moon and his mood soon follows suit, and we would have to go home early for him to decompress before he shuts down completely.

Something had to change!
My goal was to attempt getting us out of the house with the least amount, but still everything we may need in a feeding tube emergency.

We got a an small emergency kit from our hospital after surgery.
I insisted; since we live almost 2 hours away from a hospital capable of helping with his tube, and in Montana you never know what the weather will do so that trip could take a lot longer in the snow.
But I added to it and now it all fits in the diaper bag, or even a big purse.
And my 6 yr old daughter can even find what we need this way!

Keep in mind some children have trach's, colostomy bags, multiple other sites/needs to work with and you will need to adjust your packing accordingly to fit your needs,

This is just for 1 Mic-key kid who can eat like a 9-12 month old by mouth.

Nico's Kit

  1. 60ml piston syringe
  2. 14mm foley catheter
  3. 12mm foley catheter
  4. 1 old, sterilized mic-key
  5. 2 sheets tagaderm
  6. 2 250ml bottles formula
  7. KY jelly
  8. small bottle water
  9. 1 tube nystatin/mupriocine 
  10. 1 tube calmoseptine
  11. wipes
  12. 4 diapers
  13. 1 complete outfit weather compatible 
  14. 1 extension
  15. 2 nutragrain bars
  16. 2 rice husk snacks
  17. 1 5ml syringe capable of deflating mic-key balloon
  18. 4 sheets gauze
  19. Small hand sanitizer
  20. Chew tube or nuk brush
**he usually has a lite jacket on or winter coat, and brings one small toy with**
This all fits in my diaper bag which is a Mrs. Smith bag with a zippered insulation spot and messenger style strap.

This works for us much better for short and long trips.

Longer trips: we would add enough food to last the days we are gone
  PLUS an emergency 2 day cushion, 
on top of the pump/pole/charger,
 and more diapers and clothes.
We have also learned to request that family members get a cheap highchair and Pack and Play.
 So that we don't have to pack all the medical supplies as well as these bulky items.
This has been agreeable with all of them thus far without issue,
 and we thank them for helping us keep Nico safe.
Streamlining your packing can save you a lot of work and time as most of these supplies can stay in the diaper bag at all times. 

Happy Travels Super Tubies!
Let's get these amazing kiddos out into the public!



**I am not affiliated with Mrs. Smith company in any way,  nor am I being compensated for this statement**

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

"Life Support"

Fueling Life: Support


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"Support"


Is a verb, it requires ACTION!

What action have the supporters in your feeding tube journey done?
Ours have been amazing, and I hope your's have as well.
They are the unsung hero's of our son's medical adventures,
The ones there in the middle of the night, wee hours of the morning for surgery, 
joining us in all the help we need whether it be:
  • Financial
  • Spiritual
  • Emotional
  • Physical
They have allowed us to endure bravely the things required of us.
 Like watching and waiting for our son to come out of yet another invasive procedure.
Like my Dad 
Who drove 2 hours to get there the morning of Nico's G-tube/Fundo. 
Because he knew we needed him, It makes me cry remembering exactly how much we needed him.
Or my Mom
Who has been there to hug me, call me, challenge me when I was about to lose faith in myself, the doctors, and God. 
Like my Sisters,
One who is willing to take on our older children at a moments notice and we know they will have the time of their life playing with cousins and not worry and wait in a hospital.
The other who took on a challenge and agreed to help me with a crazy book idea,
and did a wonderful job that I won't ever be able to fully pay her back for.
and has been a listening ear since distance makes physical help limiting.
My friend Mary,
Who has allowed me to vent and has taken the most amazing photos of this journey,
and deserves so much recognition.
To the friends and family,
 who promote our book and feeding tube awareness, even when they may be overwhelmed with the topic.
Friends and Family like:
  • Nana and Papa
  • Becky and Cy
  • Aunt Eva
  • Pat and Gloria
  • Linda 
  • Jesse Butler/Publisher
  • Tabitha
  • Alyssa Flores/Reporter
  • Jc Penneys Salon Team
  • Mt. Youth homes staff
  • Lori
  • April and Tyler
  • And many more...

It's allowed us to get to where we are with book sales, news segments, and reviews.

These supporters have served as a foundation to prop us up when we were at our lowest or felt defeated by what our son's future may look like.
You all continue to give us the courage to keep looking for answers for Nico.
You are invaluable and we love you all.

How can you support a Tubie Family?
If you know one here is how:
  • Learn to use the equipment
  • Call them to see how they are doing
  • Visit them if possible while in Hospital
  • Take their other children, or if you know how to use the equipment then take all
  • invite them to your home
  • be supportive of raising feeding tube awareness
  • Pray, chant, send good vibes whatever your spiritual good will is then focus it on them once in a while.
Even the smallest things are greatly appreciated and make more of an impact on long term health and success than you could know.
We can't and shouldn't do this journey alone.

Thank You For Your Support!




Fueling Life: Positives

Positives?

"How could an adaptive device like a feeding tube ever feel positive?"

This was my thought leaving the hospital with my 15 month old son...
 and since we have seen many, and come to love his tube.

Let's count the blessings of how a feeding tube is fueling Nico's life:

  • 10+lbs of weight gain/maintenance
  • 5 clothing sizes
  • eating food at meal times
  • playing and active with his sisters, and cousins
  • physically almost caught up with his motor skills
  • loving little man
  • in a community with amazing supporters and cheerleaders who "get us"
  • able to stay hydrated fully
  • good medical team
  • supportive extended family and friends
  • smart
  • Happy
  • He's "famous" and inspiring others, thanks to "My Belly Has Two Buttons" book
Having a feeding tube is not the end of the world,
and as a parent I want you all to know...

  • an invisible illnesses doesn't mean nothing is wrong
  • we see doctor's regularly and if he could be without it he would
  • we ARE good parents
  • he IS happy
  • he can play and do things like other kids
  • if you want to ask intelligent, non-judgemental questions be my guest, but if you are just asking something to make it seem like you would do a better job with him then don't.
  • we would love for you to come hang out with us, feeding tubes aren't "catching"
  • it is safe for him to be watched/babysat so if we ask you to then you ARE CAPABLE
  • If you want to know how to support us as a family, come learn how to hook him up and give him water...I am happy to show you
  • I am NOT wonder woman, you would do just as well in this situation. It takes practice.
Let's not pretend that all parts have been positive, but a lot of the important ones have.
Because of that I will always be proud to say, 
"My son Nico has a Feeding Tube and it saved his life!"
No matter how long he has one.

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Fueling Life: Awareness

It's the first day of Feeding Tube Awareness Week 2017!

It's not our first,
 Nico has has his tube over 1 year now...
We are seasoned, 
Refined, 
"comfortable" in this new normal...
One question we still get answered is.

"Why is Nico Tube fed?"

I will share the short version...
Nico was born a healthy, "normal" baby on June 28th, 2014.
Gained pounds every month until around 5-7months old his weight gain stalled at 15.8lbs.
He had never been able to drink from a bottle, but my jobs made it possible to breastfeed him on demand as he slept through the night and he nursed up to 12 times daily until 11 months old.
We thought other than Torticalis and hypotonia which affected his mobility and gross motor skills that he was fine...we were wrong.
we had been down this road before 
and the signs were there that like his sister eating might be a problem.
we brought this up many times and were put off every time saying "he just needs more time".
He began choking on any solid food attempts 
and refusing to let anything in his mouth other than to nurse.
by 11 months he was "classic Failure to Thrive"
but we had networked around the healthcare providers and sought ENT, SLP, and tongue tie support.
He had oral surgery to release a severe posterior tongue tie at that time. 
It helped a little bit with solids, but not at all with liquids from a cup.
we continued to seek help from the speech language pathologist (SLP).
And we thought he was gaining weight,
 and doing fine as he had grown 2 clothes sizes and looked  more plump.
Oct. 14th, 2015 he was admitted to our local hospital for "FTT",
we were not able to leave because he couldn't hydrate himself enough even with continued breastfeeding and his kidneys were in distress.
by halloween that year we had been in hospital almost a month 
and were heading home with our baby...and a feeding tube.
We were scared, exhausted, and no diagnosis in sight.
He has since gained to 29lbs and is in 2 T clothing.

Our "diagnosis'" are:
  • FTT
  • Dysphagia
  • Torticalis
  • Sensory processing disorder
  • gross motor delay
  • hypotonia
  • ...and a few others that are minor
We continue to offer drinks in guided amounts as he chokes still and can't drink more than 3ml in succession.
His food skills are that of a 9-12 month old:

  • soft
  • disolves
  • non crunchy
  • cut up or mashable
  • learning to take his own bites
  • chewing enough to swallow safely
We are also still searching and doing tests to finally get a real diagnosis,
and our most recent doctor/specialist told us he will probably have his tube until around 6 years old.
But that is because his suck, swallow, control, reflexes complete around that age.
We may still find another reason for his struggles.
But while we search we are striving to pave the way for his future with this life saving device.
Teaching him,
  • hope for a future without his tube
  • tolerance and acceptance of other's unique qualities
  • to love his body, including his tube 
  • that he is "normal" and can do anything other kids can, with the right equipment
So please join us this Feeding Tube Awareness Week in educating the community around you about feeding tubes so that my son and others like him can have a safe and happy world to grow up in.

Nico, Age 2 @ "My Belly Has Two Buttons" book launch Sept. 2016
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Thursday, January 26, 2017

Heaven needed him more...

While our Nation seems at war over what rights women do or do not have,
 my Twin sister was fighting a battle all her own.
One that ONLY women can do.
This is a true women's right movement,
The choice to be strong when you feel broken, 
and bring a baby forth you know you won't be able to bring home.
Whether you are Pro-choice or Pro-life is not the issue in this instance,
All that matters is a baby's heart stopped beating and a mama who loved him had to make choices.
D&E, induction, or go into labor on your own?
All risky, all a heartbreaking end to pregnancy.
I have always been absolutely proud of the mother my sister is, 
Any child born to her is going to be cared for, healthy and loved beyond measure.
But I do have to say, until this moment I didn't realize I could be MORE proud of her.
2 miscarriages for her, Multiple for our younger sister and one of my own have taught me she is a fountain of reproductive knowledge and support. 
But a stillbirth? 
This is something completely different. 
You knew for sure the heart was beating, body moving, baby growing...
You had made it past the supposed "scary part" where everyone is just counting the weeks until the magic #12...
The part where you can for sure tell friends, family and shout it from the rooftops 
"We are having a baby!"
But to be in an appointment past the magic 12 and there be no heart beating where you knew there was one before? 
That for a mom is the stuff nightmares are made of...
and I believe was in the top pregnancy fears for my sister as I know it was in mine.
Well she has now lived it.
She has handled it with a grace and peace that I have never seen,
She is the one keeping other's strong and consoling them when she should be consoled.
She is proving that when a woman makes a choice she can move mountains.
And that a woman of faith is not a weak and cowed person, 
they are strong because they have hope for the future weather it be here or in heaven.
She has done this all despite being alone with her other children because her husband is away training for a medical alert dog.
When she told him about the loss of their unborn son he wanted to come home.
She told him No, not because he didn't need to be here with her.
But because she knew that watching and waiting for her to deliver this child would be more painful for her whole family, and the dog was needed more.
Yet another choice my strong sister made that impressed me in this tough circumstance.
In the days preceding the news she made the choice to deliver her son WHOLE.
I only say this because at the gestational age he was his body wouldn't have survived a D&E.
She wanted to see her son, Hold him, let him be born with dignity and love.
To use this to heal her broken heart and mend herself. 
Having done what she set out to do,
Be his Mother, 
Something she had dreamed of from the first moment she knew he was coming.
Something she had prepared herself and her other children for with anticipation, now never to be.
My own daughter asked me "why did God take the baby away?", 
My only answer was "Heaven needed this baby more..."
How else do you explain life and death to children?
It's a hard subject for Adults.
I have seen more teachable moments in this circumstance, 
More times where Nicole could have been angry, lashed out, 
but instead she has shown her children a loving example of how to deal with dashed hopes and tough circumstances.
She herself has drawn strength from the compassion of her kids and the child-like faith that they will see their brother in heaven.

SHE knows she delivered a child,
 but to those outside they don't know that... 
  • No maternity leave to recover from her 16+ hours of labor, 
  • No healing time from the daily marching on of life to grieve, 
  • No baby in her arms to distract her from the after pains that leave you exhausted and on edge.
  • Back to school just one day after, and back to work at less than a week.

McCleod Eugene was born the day our nation was Marching for Women's rights, and my sister "marched" right along with them in another way, 
her own way. 
She may not look "fine" but she will be.

She said it best...

Nicole:
The day I went in to deliver my child, many other women were marching at capital cities across the United States.
They say they were marching for women's rights, reproductive rights, the right to choose what happens to their bodies and the right to abortion.

My heart on many of those subjects are vastly different than the women who participated, but I was expressing my own reproductive rights, the right to choose what happens to my body, and the right for my son to be born whole, no matter his gestational age or what the medical community considers him. 

 The point is that we have rights as women. Some of us choose to stick up for the opposite side and it doesn't make us oppressed. I believe if many women saw the masterpiece I got to hold in my hands on Sunday morning that they may feel the burden I do. I was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and most importantly a woman that day doing something only a woman can do...bring forth a child from my own body. In all it's painful, heart-wrenching glory it is going to be one of the top 6 blessed and WOMANLY moments in my life. #iamfree #allwoman #daughteroftheking

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Do you get time away?


While having a house full of 8 kids this week (yes, I said 8) ranging from 1-7 years old,
 it made me pause and think about how often we as parents of children with special needs get time away.
These kids have multiple diagnosis, disorders, allergies, delays etc...
  • Autism
  • Dysphagia
  • G-Tube
  • Apraxia of speech
  • Celiac with Dairy intolerance
  • Sensory Processing Disorder
  • Frontal Lobe delay 
  • Gross/Fine motor delays
Now I list this not because I want to get sympathy or a woe-is-me, I love having all these babies under the same roof.
They get a long so well with minimal fighting, and the food restrictions are not difficult to work with and everyone can eat and be healthy.
Just ask my husband I can't stop cuddling the baby because she is squishy and snuggly and my 2 yr old (baby)  is a touch me not because of his sensory needs.
I am posting this because for the first time in 7 years my sister is having a break.
I kid you not she has been with one or all her 5 babies since birth for the last 7 years.
 She needed a break a LONG time ago, but it's sad that we as parents of special needs kids struggle to feel comfortable leaving these babies in the care of other even for a few hours let alone a day or more.
Parts are certainly overwhelming and we all learn to move into a new "Normal" once a routine or plan of care is in place.
But it's terrible that we don't get to take time for ourselves. 

I am happy for my sister!

She is currently pregnant with #6 and will be welcoming that precious baby in July 2017.
She is also working and going to Medical Assistant school and will graduate in May 2017.
 My Brother-in-Law is in Florida training with his new service dog.
And honestly if he wasn't needing to be down there I know this 8+ days with the kiddos wouldn't have happened. 
Not because we weren't willing or able (we offered to take them so they didn't have a babysitter for 3 weeks to help while dad was gone).
 But because I think as parents of kids with multiple special needs/dietary restrictions we feel guilty.

Yes, GUILTY!
  • To take any extended time/vacation away
  • Ask for help
  • Make plans that would involve more than a trip to the store
  • Feel vulnerable and less than Super Man/Woman to friends and family
Why is it more acceptable when your child is "Typical"?

We all need time away to recharge and date our spouse.
We need to make sure our own mental and physical health is met, and that we can detach ourselves from wrapping up our whole identity in our child's disorder/condition.
Have we ever thought what life may look like when we no longer have to be the 24/7 caregiver? 
God willing because they have started living on their own or have mastered enough skills to function unattended outside the home at a job or school?
There needs to be a life for us outside of "mom/dad/therapist/teacher/driver/cook/maid" otherwise we will have a very hard time transitioning from carer to just ME.
And I know I am being optimistic, sometimes and actually more often than not the parent(s) have:
  •  A limited and really non-existent local support system.  
  • Don't get out much to be able to meet good friends. 
  • Too expensive to pay a suitable babysitter.
  • Child's needs are too great to have someone who doesn't understand complex medical needs
So friends and family of these special parents please I beg of you...

If you have an afternoon or evening offer to watch their child, 
If you don't know how to care for the child ask to be taught.
Come over and have coffee or lunch with them if they can't leave the house.
Call and chat with them.
Let them have a NAP! Believe me they are chronically exhausted.
It is these moments where someone else can meet them where they're at that will make such a difference.
Don't be afraid, if the parent's can learn and handle this then so can you it just takes a willing heart.




Monday, December 26, 2016

The Secrets of a Special Needs Christmas


Christmas

Magical for children of all ages, or it really should be.
But the holidays for a family with a child with special needs is STRESSFUL!
It's not the busyness of having friends and family over or making bigger meals.
It's helping your child have a special experience and just as magical a season as other kids.
That may not seem like a tall order, but it can be.

Many families ask for advice from "seasoned" parents or carers and ask what kinds of things to get.
It's nice to have a community of people who have gone through what you are newly in the trenches of. 
It can be very depressing to watch the excitement of children your own child's age or stage and see your own not be able to do the same.
Unfortunately we all compare.

This is our 2nd Tubie Christmas...and we did it better than our first :-).

We were so lost and scared last year, new adaptive equipment, 
just coming from a very stressful hospital stay, 
a baby still NPO and on bolus feeds throughout the day with continuous overnight trying to "catch up", 
and me still off work to help us adapt to our "New Normal".
Some of the items we typically bought for our kids or others did were not suitable for a child who couldn't eat by mouth, 
Clothes that he could wear before were now a pain to work around his feedings with.
All the special foods we usually ate he couldn't even taste and forget any special candies or cookies!

(2016)

This year he was more capable to eat the special foods, 
enjoy tastes of cookies and take guided sips of holiday drinks.
He eats during the day now and only has a continuous feed overnight so we could get him any clothing we wanted, 
and physically he is catching up so he can enjoy "normal" toys for kids his age.
We still needed to change the way we do stockings and keep special candies and treats out of it, but got him more little toys and smaller non-edible items.

I will share our ideas, and maybe we can all compile them to make it easier for others.


  • Cars/Trains
  • Animals
  • Balls
  • Flashlights-with multicolor capability or shapes
  • Blocks
  • Bubble machines
  • Bath toys
  • Noisemakers
  • Movies
  • Music
  • Books...like "My Belly Has Two Buttons" By Meikele Lee <3 
  • Adaptive clothes for tube/device access
  • Sleepers
  • Tablet/Ipad
  • Ornaments
  • Blankets
  • Plush dolls
  • Memory games
  • Flashcards
  • Saftey belts
  • Stroller
  • Moby wrap/Ergo/other carriers
  • Car Seat
  • Hat/coat/gloves
  • Shoes/Boots
Items for PT/OT at home...

  • Small Trampoline
  • Adaptive cups, silverware, straws
  • Foam wedge for sleeping
  • Chewies/Teething toys
  • Pacifiers
  • Bean bags
  • Compression wear
  • Weighted blankets
  • Nook Brushes
  • Z-vibe/or in a pinch an electric toothbrush
  • Bath equipment
  • Play mats or foam mats
  • Jonny Jumper
  • Walkers
  • Noise canceling headphones for SPD kids
It does get easier,
Give yourself some grace and learn to find the magic in what you can do now. 
 Merry Christmas Special Families!!




Wednesday, December 7, 2016

"How does she do it All?"


I constantly have people in my life who ask this question
"How do you do it?"

"How do you..."
  • Work two jobs
  • Home school
  • Keep house
  • Cook for/feed kids with disphagia
  • Keep up with medical/Therapy appointments
  • Get enough sleep
  • Not fall apart

Here's my secret...I DON'T

I am just an exhausted mama trying her best to keep our family fed, housed, healthy and as happy as possible.
It's no magic formula and nothing that any other parent wouldn't do if needed.
I am not more strong, creative or resourceful than anyone.
I try my best every day to push through and be the best Mom, Wife, Employee that I can.

I fail on a regular basis to...
  • Keep my house clean
  • Hold my tongue
  • Get enough sleep
  • Spend enough time with my family
  • Cook at home every day...Salon nights I use whatever tips I make to bring home food :-)
  • I miss appointments when I forget to put them on my phone calendar
This life is hard

There's nothing glamorous about working two jobs, and even though one of them I do hair and have to look "put together". 
My other job I look like a crazy bag lady because comfort is #1 on a 10 hour overnight shift.
When I get home, no matter which job; it's to a chorus of "I'm hungry, what's for breakfast/dinner?"
I try my best to get my stuff done and spend time with my kids and husband, but sleep has to happen. 
So for the last two years my girls have jumped into bed with me and they take turns laying close to me while the other one holds my hand. 
They watch an educational show on the weekdays and on weekends a movie or kids show while I sleep. 
During the day they may only be in there a few minutes to get cuddles in or in the evening before my job starts they may fall asleep for the night.  
I pick up 1 or 2 kids every Thursday morning after working 10 hours and take them to one of 3 therapies...Physical, speech, or Occupational. And usually don't get done until close to 12pm. Then a quick nap afterwards or take 2 to ATA and then nap. 
My Friday "Day off" is ideally spent cleaning and getting laundry done, but work trainings or meetings tend to happen those days as well as the frequent doctor's appointment for 1-3 kids.
Homeschooling is fit into our day either before I nap or after, and sometimes after dinner.
I fall apart pretty frequently and hopefully it's in private, but more often than not its in the midst of whatever is difficult or stressful. 
I raise my voice more than I ought too when it feels like no one is listening to me.
I hope people can appreciate my honesty, and take heart that as I tell my kids "practice makes progress", and I feel that I am daily practicing to do and be better than I was yesterday. I may fail, but at least I try.
I look forward to one day having a "normal" schedule, whatever that my look like. 
I am not writing this for sympathy, I love my family and am thankful for my jobs.
But you never know from the outside looking in that the ones who look like they have everything under control are just juggling the chaos.
I am not superwoman, I am just "mom".
The best, hardest, most rewarding title I have ever had.
I hope that parts of this last couple years my kids can forget, but other parts I hope they remember fondly and can see how hard we worked to give them the best life we can.

Heading to ATA with Nene and Sanna


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Book Reading Fun!


On Thursday November 10th we had our first book reading of "My Belly Has Two Buttons" in Thompson Falls, Montana.
We joined the 1st grade class of Shannon Pavlik to teach them about feeding tubes and introduce them to the inspiration of the book my little Tubie Nico.
The children and teacher had great questions and were so inviting. 
I asked them "Have you ever met someone who eats differently than you?"
The answers were all YES!
"people who use chinese stick (chopsticks lol)"
"people use their hands"
"Drink through straws"
"eat weird food"
All these answers were correct and so next I asked, "Have you ever met someone who could eat without using their mouth?"
One child said yes and proceeded to inform me his mom was a nurse, but the rest said NO!
I read them the book and Nico was sitting with the kids and every time I finished a page he would bust out laughing to gain the kids attention which they thought was funny.
when we were done I passed around the Mic-key Button we had just changed so they could understand and feel what he used to keep healthy and they were fascinated by that device with a water balloon. 
We passed out feeding tube awareness tattoos, coloring pages and donated the book to the class.
The kids were excited to know the pictures were being sent to our local news station to be added to a feature story airing on the book and our life with a Tubie.
I later received a message from Shannon and the class made us a book and wanted to send it.
It was such a blessing to be there and meet these kids, raise awareness to the next generation so that someday when/if they meet another child like Nico they can remember what they learned and treat them with respect and dignity.

I hope we can do more reading like this locally rather than going 4 hrs from home, but the word needs spread far and wide and God made them our first for a reason.
Thank you Thompson Falls Elementary!

**for book readings contact Meikele Lee @ trendyk1@gmail.com**

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

The Impact of "Failure To Thrive"

Failure to Thrive...What is it?

Failure to thrive is defined as decelerated or arrested physical growth (height and weight measurements fall below the fifth percentile, or a downward change in growth across two major growth percentiles)

What are the symptoms?
  • Lack of appropriate weight gain
  • Irritability
  • Easily fatigued
  • Excessive sleepiness
  • Lack of age-appropriate social response (i.e., smile)
  • Avoids eye contact
  • Lack of molding to the mother's body
  • Does not make vocal sounds
  • Delayed motor development
And why does it matter?

For families of children with pediatric feeding disorders this is a BIG concern, your baby probably at some point will be labeled FTT or "Failure to Thrive".
Now this may not affect some as much as others because they had an early diagnosis or medical complexity that came to light in pregnancy, they were and are a little more prepared. Not just them, but also the medical professionals who your child sees regularly. There was a reason for your child to be "small, dainty, little, underdeveloped, anemic, tired, refuse food, struggle to drink, etc."
But what about the group of parents and their children who don't have the advance notice? The ones who move along relatively "normal or typical", but then overtime something pops up that you know isn't right? 
It may start with weight plateauing, but you don't question it because maybe the baby was sick that month?
... and your baby was delayed physically already from birth and diagnosed with hypotonia and you have been to PT every week right, your other child had delays too so its possible its normal right?
It may progress to refusing solid foods when you first introduce them, but that could be them just getting used to the texture right? No need to be concerned you are breast/formula feeding them and they have been "fine" thus far...Right? 
But then you start to question the doctor's relaxed stance on what you see at home, what you know in your mommy's heart is not "normal." 

I know this may seem a little too specific, but this is our story...

The impact just the first part of that diagnosis had on my heart was impossible to describe, and no mom/dad/caregiver of a child wants to hear that they have "failed." 
I know that 's not what it's supposed to mean, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that more often than not when a child is "FTT" the parents on some level feel responsible even when they know it's not anything they did wrong. 
I strongly believe this name needs to change, sometimes the children don't have excessive sleepiness, they make sounds and smile, they are a happy baby and rarely cranky, and the 3-5th% on the growth curve is STILL ON THE CURVE! there has to be at least one kid who grows that way for there to be a 1-100% scale right?
Now I am not saying that a child labeled FTT is always a medically reasonable explanation. There are the cases where someone waters down formula because they can't afford to buy X amount, and they don't realize that impact that will have on the baby, or the parent who really is God forbid starving the baby on purpose, or not understanding hunger cues because of some mental health crisis of their own.
But there has to be a better way for medical professionals to respond to those who are doing the right things and still ending up in the FTT category.

The impact of a "Failure to Thrive" 

Our journey was really 4 years in the making. Our 2nd child was born and nursed like a champ after her frenulum was clipped and gained by lbs, and her brother followed her to the letter even down to a Torticaulis diagnosis and needing Physical therapy 2 years later. The part we hoped would skip him was difficulty eating and drinking, his sister had eventually caught on but still struggled in some areas eating "age appropriate" foods
...at close to 3 she was finally able to eat apples and banana's on her own without them being mashed...for an example.
So when he started eating solids at 6 months his weight had just plateaued and he had been ill, but when he gagged on solids his primary doctor recommended waiting another month and then trying again...I knew immediately I was seeing a repeat of our past with our daughter and hoped I was wrong. 
Pretty quickly we discovered greek yogurt was the only texture he didn't gag on and that ANY chunk would cause him to choke, liquids were only able to be given by breast or same result.
By 11 months his weight was the same as it had been since 6 months and we were seeing an ENT for a severe posterior tongue tie, this was the "hail mary pass" as he was, as his primary doctor described "classic Failure to Thrive" and my heart broke; but he knew by our history with our daughter and the steps we had taken to get to the ENT that he was safe with us so we weren't hospitalized.
After surgery we went for regular and frequent weight checks, our son gained length some, but his head size was barely moving and weight still stalled despite him eating a high fat and protein diet on top of still breastfeeding up to 9 times daily. He had also gained a whole clothing size and looked more plump to us and others who saw him before. I was certain things were changing for the better, and the previous FTT diagnosis was gone...boy was I in for the shock of a lifetime!
By October 14, 2015 our primary for our children had retired and we were set to see a new doctor. We had seen her before as needed when we needed a same day appointment in a pinch and she was fine. I came to that appointment so excited and full of hope to see him having gained weight. I ended up in tears at the weight scale, my son was still 15lbs 8oz! at 15 months old! I felt sick in every part of me and knew our world was about to change.
We were admitted to the hospital for what was supposed to be a 3-day calorie study and ended up in-patient for 13 days at our local hospital while they attempted every intervention they could dream up, and 6 days in a hospital 2 hours away for a G-tube placement(feeding tube)/Nissen fundoplication surgery. 
It would have been fine if that was all FTT brought us...but she is ugly and is sometimes wielded by even uglier people who no matter how much you prove yourself they aren't satisfied unless someone is hurt in the process.
This is the part that needs reformed most...CPS involvement.
When you leave the hospital or NICU with a "healthy baby" and then come back before 2 years old with a child labeled FTT then CPS is called to investigate...and oh boy did they ever!
During our first 2 days inpatient I met the ONLY social worker at our local hospital, and I know this because multiple times I requested someone else but there was only one for the whole pediatric department. She came in and attempted to present a kind and helpful demeanor, but something about how she watched me and my son was off...the very next day she became verbally and emotionally abusive to me and without proof other than my word nothing was done. She told me "things weren't adding up..." and "I don't think your son is safe in your care...but I really am here to help you and I understand what you are going through." 
I found out she didn't actually have children so how could she possibly understand what we were going through? And because of her obvious prejudice she called CPS and then manipulated and lied to my family the rest of the time we were there. 
I became very scared, jumpy, anxious, having chest pressure. and nightmares. The nursing staff were instructed to tell me she was "watching" us when she didn't show up to our room again for 8 days, but would lurk around the peds floor reading my son's charts...I have never been so scared for the safety of my child than I was with her in charge of our case.
An already stressful situation made so much worse by a person who had no check and balances.
When we were sent to the other hospital for surgery the treatment was night and day, the people were truly nice and helpful. Even that social worker treated us with respect and didn't use her position to harm. 

The impact of my son's diagnosis and local hospital stay still affects us a year later...

  • Our oldest child has nightmares, anxiety, and is highly emotional when she knows she will be away from us.
  • Our middle child has since been diagnosed with a frontal lobe delay and still coughs a bit when drinking and continues to need PT for her physical delays.
  • My Husband who has PTSD and Bipolar was stable on meds before the hospital stay and CPS investigations, but pretty quickly after we got home needed his meds changed and continues to struggle with feeling like we are safe especially when people visit our home or we go out in public.
  • Our youngest child still has his feeding tube and is now 27lbs , takes half his daily calories by mouth but those calories don't seem to add weight unless its his predigested formula via tube, he is still hypotonic and in PT, He now walks, He had learned skills for eating and drinking which are now regressing and we still don't have a complete diagnosis despite genetic testing.
  • I am so much more distrustful of the state agencies because they kept "forgetting" about our open CPS case and it was open till 120 days later despite 3 formal complaints from me and them reassuring me they found no reason for the investigation in the first place, I still have nightmares, and hope more than anything to get answers for my children.
I hope that one day parents with children like my own who struggle for mysterious organic reasons will no longer be victimized by the "Failure to Thrive" diagnosis. It needs to change as the results that can happen make the already stressful situation potentially more antagonistic than necessary. 
It's a time in our lives that I hope my children will forget, but I know personally I will never forget the impact "Failure to Thrive" had on our lives.



Nico, Age 2 in his new "My Belly Has Two Buttons" shirt from "Chasing Sadie" on etsy


Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Why I love being an Indie Author #PoweredByIndie



 I am new to the author and book world having just launched my first children's book this August 2016.  The experience has been very rewarding.  Using the features on Createspace as well as Amazon made it so much easier to reach my target audience, and track how many were sold.  I could use the illustrator I wanted and keep the vision of the book that I wanted as well as keep the cost down allowing it to happen very quickly. My customers have made this one of the most happy experiences by sending me pictures and kind words about the children being so excited to have a book in this genre; feeding tube awareness. I saw a gap in the market and I am energized by the response thus far, and have some more titles in the works and hope to have those out as soon as possible.  I am most impressed by how quickly our international audience got a hold of the book and the ease that they could order and receive their copies. They were some of my first contacts even just a week after book launch. I had always assumed "self-publishing" was the lesser quality and something to be sneered at, but I have not found that to be true or been unhappy with any part of it.  When we had the book launch party in my little town in Montana it was so easy for the bookstore to find the ISBN # needed to sell the book from their store. I thank all those involved in this process and look forward to doing it again.

Meikele Lee, Author of "My Belly Has Two Buttons"

Monday, October 3, 2016

Fine line of "hurt" vs "help"

While on this health journey with Nico we have seen many tests and labs done...
and since joining the Tubie community I have seen and heard the same things over and over;


"Why is my baby refusing food/bottle/pacifier since NG/fundoplication was put in?"

"Why is my normally happy baby screaming every time I come near them to clean  "insert body part or stoma site here", they never did this before we were hospitalized this last time"

"Why is my child becoming so combative with me?"

"It takes 3 or 4 nurses plus myself to hold my child down for any procedures now."

"I am so nervous to take my baby to the doctor, I don't want us to be hospitalized again"

"My child won't sleep without me rocking them since we were discharged"

"Our worst fears have been confirmed, we don't know anything more we will update you as we can"

And in my own research I have come to understand these are all traumatic stress responses in both the adults/parents and their children from the things done while their medical complexities were explored or hopefully diagnosed.
Now I am not a doctor, therapist, or any medical professional who can diagnose anyone.  
I am just a mother who has seen and felt all of these and more.
I have come to realize there is a fine line between Help and Hurt...
The tests, labs, procedures and things done at the hospital weren't meant to do harm, isn't that our perception of the Hippocratic Oath? 

"First Do No Harm"

This isn't actually in the oath, but it really should be and I think it gives parents of these little ones more hope and trust in the system that is really just as confused as we are why our child is struggling.
It's normal and necessary to find a place or person we can feel safe airing our concerns and flashbacks with and most especially the reactions our children have are just as valid as our own.
The test are by design sometimes VERY invasive because the signs or symptoms do not make sense outwardly.  And our babies don't understand why its happening so they respond in ways to let us know they are stressed, scared, or really just mad.
Please if your child is medically fragile still take them to appointments as often as needed, and if you start having your own traumatic responses (flashbacks, anxiety, fear, heart racing, chest pain, short temper) then seek your own medical appointment with a doctor or counselor.
You're child needs you to be the strong one who can smile through the tears, be the kisser of their boo boos from blood draws and biopsies.
And when they have their own meltdowns treat it with some grace, they have all gone and continue to go through so much in their short lives and I don't know any adults who would handle it quite so well.

There is a quote that I find to be my favorite, honestly it make me tear up when I read it...


The strength of these kids is unreal, They really are superheroes.

And the strength of the parents in this life is nothing to sneer at, you cry in private and pray that you would be in their place even just so they didn't have to feel one more poke, prod or stay in one more exam.
 Please give yourself credit where credit is due, it's amazing all the things you juggle on a day to day basis and do for them and the rest of your family.
So if you are a parent, patient or caregiver and you're experiencing anything I have described just remember...
There is a fine line between "Help" vs "Hurt" and you are strong enough to see this through.


Monday, September 26, 2016

Super list of Foods for Low Weight Kids

Anyone who has followed my blog, Facebook and been involved in the last 4 years of our child raising will know the struggles we've encountered with pediatric feeding disorders.
This journey has by no means made me an expert, but I was challenged to share the knowledge I've gained so that hopefully the Mom, Dad, or caregiver reading this can avoid what we've gone through. 


I am a strong advocate for breastfeeding and waiting to introduce solids until at least 6 months...
With this being said I also believe your child, your choice, FED IS BEST!
In our circumstance without my two youngest being exclusively breastfed and my stance on introducing solids when we did, I strongly believe their lives would have been in greater danger much faster due to choking.
I am also strongly advising if you are currently pregnant, planning to be, or have children around you please take a CPR and First aid test and become certified, This could save a life.

A little background, we had one "typical Child" who progressed normally-advanced in most areas including eating. Nene she is our oldest and so when her next sibling came along it made the issues that much more apparent and startling.
When Sanna came along we had a very similar beginning, tongue tie (clipped no further issue), breastfed, gaining weight, aversion to bottles (Nene the same) but with more gagging. We get ready to introduce solids at 6 months and no matter the texture she gagged and struggled to accept solids, we had to give her thicker puree for close to 6 months, and the things like cheerios, apples, pretzels that most 12 month old can eat safely/take their own bites with supervision she couldn't even begin to until closer to 2. We also struggled with her taking a sippy, straw or cup of any kind. This caused her weight to almost plateau. We calorie packed the foods and textures she could eat. 
We did all this and much more when their brother Nico came along, and his aversions became life threatening and he ended up getting a feeding tube at 15 months old. 
Both the youngest kids have had oral surgery for a severe posterior tongue tie which helped but didn't 100% correct the problems.

When we calorie packed foods here is some staples:

Avocado (@ least 1/2 of one daily)
Oatmeal
Bananas
Greek yogurt (Fage is made with whole milk/cream)
4% cottage cheese
eggs
sweet potato
protein powder
coconut oil
Chocolate ice cream (Bryers chocolate is made with cream and is calorie and fat content=pediasure per 8oz serving)
pudding cups
puffs
baby food meats/fruit/veggies
creamy peanut butter (ask doctor before giving to child)
cream cheese
re fried beans
sour cream
Stage 3 baby meals
***everything needs to be full fat! No low fat/no fat anything***


DISCLAIMER: I am not a nutritionist and I strongly suggest if your baby is struggling to gain weight, eat, or drink PLEASE consult with a doctor!**


So now that I gave you our pantry basics for feeding and calorie packing I will list a sample menu.


Breakfast: 

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
2 eggs over medium (the yolk helps the bites go down easier)
slice of toast with cream cheese/crust cut off
Or
1 cup Oatmeal w/ 1TBSP coconut oil or mashed avocado/baby fruit/veggie puree w/ 2 TBSP protein powder
Or
1 cup Greek Yogurt with puree fruit/veggie
slice toast with cream cheese/crust cut off

Snack:

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
Full Fat Ice cream or
mashed avocado/banana combo
puffs

Lunch:

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
Cottage cheese
stage 3 baby food meal

Snack:

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
Full Fat ice cream or
mashed avocado/banana combo
puffs

Dinner:

**breastfed first as long as child wanted**
Modify what we were eating to a consistency child could handle
or
cottage cheese and Stage 3 baby meal
or
re fried beans with mashed sweet potato
or
1 cup oatmeal with 2 tbsp peanut butter and 2 tbsp Greek yogurt
and baby puffs to finish

**breast feed on demand the rest of the evening/overnight and throughout the day and offer spoonfuls of water at amount child can handle or with sponge/toothette/cup**

We had to really monitor how our children ate and drank, and the Heimlich maneuver happened at least once a meal on at least one kid daily for 2 1/2 years.
I worked two jobs during the last 2 years and still breastfed on demand and worked only hours the baby was sleeping so that I was available to nurse him (Nico).
During this whole process we were in constant communication with our children's health care provider/speech and eating therapy/ Physical therapy and when those weren't helping we networked to get them the help they needed as much as we could.
It's hard when you have to be so hyper vigilant and it was and is exhausting and a strain on relationships. Please find people to talk to and share your story. You never know who is in the same boat and may need the support you have or the tips and tricks that can make all the difference.
I hope this menu/food list can help anyone who just doesn't know were to start.